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MARY (M): "Got good news and bad news for you Joe."
JOSEPH (J): "What?"
M: "The good news and bad news is one and the same. I'm pregnant."
J: "You're WHAT?"
M: "With child, not abortable fetus - being that neither one of us are baby murderers - and it was planned parenthood I sort of volunteered for, so it wasn't really forced on me against my will. You're not to blame, nor am I."
J: "Well, you know sure as hail that I didn't have any part of it. How can you plan parenthood conception? That's God's call."
M: "Dam right, honey."
J: "But when the Roman cops and pharisees find out about it, we're both dead meat, according to the executionary command of Torah Law:
Deuteronomy 22:23 "If there is a betrothed virgin, and a man meets her in the city and lies with her,
Deuteronomy 22:24 then you shall bring them both out to the gate of that city, and you shall stone them to death with stones, the young woman because she did not cry for help though she was in the city, and the man because he violated his neighbor's wife; so you shall purge the evil from among you."
But I am sort of your pre-husband, and you're sure as sperm not my neighbor's wife, but rather my common-law cohabitational-but-not-yet-conjugating engaged spouse-to-be, though not completely yet [like House Demoncrats not yet (at the time of this writing) delivering Hateful Impeachment-Articles Accusation to the Senate against Trump.]"
M: "Yeah, and like desperate-for-sex temporarily-play-the-streetwalking-prostitute twice-widowed Tamar getting screwed by father-in-law Judah [too dumb to recognize her face and/or voice?], then discovered pregnant, and ordered by Judah himself to be burned, not stoned. And he [also desperate for sex as a widower] was the one who got her pregnant, the pious erectionally-sexy hypocrite."
J: "Well, at least they'll stone you for apparently playing the harlot without being able to present tokens of virginity, according to Deuteronomy 22:13-22 and Deuteronomy 23:17. But not before you giving me back the crystal cubic zirconium engagement ring I gave you, like the kind Judah gave Tamar which she timely displayed as crucial life-saving evidence to avoid the fiery stake or crematorium.
Who did you plan your pregnancy with? I know you're a chaste woman who always does me good not harm, concordant with Proverbs 31:12, as much as I can know you, although First Peter 3:7 states that you are the inferior gender, or "weaker gender, not sex" if you presume the former term is borderline sexist.
And according to First Timothy 2:14, your gender type is to blame for caving to The Tempter in the Garden, being that power-craving Eve went off on her own (the Text does not say that Adam was always with her) then inciting Adam also eat the Fatal Poisonous Fruit to be the one blamed for all eventually dying as recorded in First Corinthians 15:22. And no one is perfect, according to Ecclesiastes 7:20.
So I guess I wouldn't put it past you to lie. So who got you pregnant?"
M: "I have never sexually known a man, and still don't, as I told the Messenger informing me of me getting pregnant as stated in Luke 1:34."
J: "You must have been raped while sleeping. What "Messenger?" If I ever found out who did that, I will kill him with my bare hands."
M: "Not a happening. And don't blaspheme."
J: "What do you mean about not blaspheming?"
M: "God got me pregnant."
J: "Don't blaspheme. Are you insinuating that God is a dirty old man? You're not married to Him, for Christ's sake."
M: "Well, the LORD will lay bare the secret [private?] parts of the daughters of Jerusalem, as stated in Isaiah 3:17, and Isaiah ordered the virgin daughter of Babylon to strip off her robe and shamefully uncover her naked legs, in Isaiah 47:1-3. With or without keeping her sexy feet shod, as texted in KJV's and RSV's Jeremiah 2:25 with or without arms bared with reference to RSV's and NASB's Second Samuel 13:18 and/or buttocks shamefully uncovered according to the words of Isaiah 20:4. Really, though, the Spirit of God got me pregnant. I'm not kidding."
J: "Are you out of your mind, Mary?" What will the neighbors, and pharisees, and Roman police think if you tell them that?"
M: "It has already been prophesied that this unusual conception would happen in Isaiah 7:14 about "a" not "the" young woman who would get pregnant and birth Immanuel."
J: "It says "young woman" in the Revised Standard Version, but "virgin" in the King James. Lots of young women birth sons, although none of them call their kid "Immanuel" - which is a God name."
M: "The Revised Standard Version is correct using the words "young woman" in Isaiah 7:14 and the KJV is errant instead having the word "virgin" there, according to the precise Hebrew-Text word used, identified with Strong's Number 05959, as the RSV is, in stark contrast to the KJV, perfectly consistent in their English rendition of Strong's Number 05959 elsewhere throughout the Old Testament, as portrayed and proven in the webpage http://starshipbible.tripod.com/virgin_or_girl on the internet.
I was not raped while sleeping, and no guy conjugated me into pregnancy. The Holy Spirit overcome me like Gabriel said."
J: "Who the fk is Gabriel?"
M: "Please!"
J: "OK, OK, who in the wide, wide, wide world of sports is Gabriel?"
M: "A messenger angel from God. He (not she nor it) even told me that the babe (or He, not It) was going to be a boy, and His name, and mighty destiny.
Here's what he said. It's in the Record:"
Luke 1:26 In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth,
27 to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David; and the virgin's name was Mary.
28 And he came to her and said, "Hail, favored one, the Lord is with you!"
29 But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and considered in her mind what sort of greeting this might be.
30 And the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God.
31 And hey, you will conceive in your womb and bear a Son, and you shall call His name Jesus.
32 He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High; and the Lord God will give to Him the throne of his father David,
33 and He will reign over the house of Jacob forever; and of His kingdom there will be no end."
34 And Mary said to the angel, "How shall this be, being that I have no husband?"
35 And the angel said to her, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the Child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God.
36 And hey, your relative Elizabeth in her old age [like Abraham's Sarah] has also conceived a son; and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren.
37 For with God nothing will be impossible."
38 And Mary said, "[Kinky? Cool?], I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word." And the angel [vanished ].
J: "Wow. This is absolutely bizarre. Gonna cause neighbors to interrogate us to no end, and maybe persecute us in semi-understandable disbelief, not to mention Herod who will presume a hostile takeover and maybe even get his soldiers to kill us also along with the Kid. I do not know if I can handle all that. I have to think this over, Mary. See you later. Perhaps. Bye."
M: "Oh Lord. I wonder if all this is for real. We are not supposed to put much stock in visions, according to Lamentations 2:14, Ezekiel 13:9 and 22:28, and especially Colossians 2:18. I am going to get into big trouble, from all sides: Joseph, the neighbors and pharisees, Roman vice squad, Herod. Execution for being presumed a harlotrous whore. Confinement and "treatment" in a mental hospital, perhaps. Pilate sending his hit men after me for presumed attempted government-coup overthrow by a Divine competitor. Trying to raise the Son of God instead of merely mothering a normal regular baby and toddler, which I do not know if I am qualified for. A conquering sword will pierce through my soul, according to Luke 2:35.
On the bright side, there are several reasons I made the moral choice to comply with the Lord's conception and childbirth request conveyed through Gabriel.
First, but least important, it will be an honor for me to conceive and bear the Christchild Messiah, and people hereafter will respect and call me blest, being forever grateful to me concerning and not regarding me making up for my ancester Eve's horrific, power-and-knowledge-craving, far-reaching screwup in the Garden.
Second, I personally need a Savior to atone for my sins as stated in my Magnificat, as do others of my people Israel."
J: "Hi Mary. Sorry about the temporary separation. God's angel talked to me. Told me this, according to the Record:"
Matthew 1:18 Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child of the Holy Spirit;
19 and her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly. [Joe wanted out!]
20 But as he considered this, hey, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, "Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary your wife, because [He] [who] is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit;
21 she will bear a Son, and you shall call His name Jesus, because He will save His people from their sins."
22 All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet (not necessarily Isaiah in Isaiah 7:14 about the "young woman"):
23 "Hey, a virgin (here not merely "young woman", but virgin and only virgin according to the precise Greek-Text word) shall conceive and bear a Son, and His name shall be called Emmanuel" (which means, God with us).
24 When Joseph woke [clothed?] from sleep (with her, or in a separate bed - being a righteous Jew?), he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him; he "took" his wife [whatever that meant],
25 but "knew her not" [strange euphemism!] until she had borne a son; and he called His name Jesus.
After that, they probably both had plenty of private XXX creampie coitus, being that:
Mark 3:32 And a crowd was sitting about Him; and they said to Him, "Your mother and your brothers are outside, asking for you."
Luke 8:20 And He was told, "Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, desiring to see you."
"Brothers?" Were they all adopted, or instead were some or all birthed by Mary, the former virgin?